you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
