matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
