Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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