I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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