3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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