yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
