gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so let's talk penis.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
