Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
