I heard we made out
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
