my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
