i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
