PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
