Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
