normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
