You smell like a Billy Joel song
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
