If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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