Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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