there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
