what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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