My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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