My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
