Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
