sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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