Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This is my gift to your gina
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
