He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Success! We fucked roommates!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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