New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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