D3 body, D1 cock
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
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