Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
