i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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