just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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