Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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