the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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