I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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