I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
