Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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