Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
