just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
