these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
