i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
