the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
