he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
