Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
