Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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