how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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