one might say we're banned from that church
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
