A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
