Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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