I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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