Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
