I feel great
I just peed on a car
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
