a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
