Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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