she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
