90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
