Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
my poor anus
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You did what with his pubic hair?
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