Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
