I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
