I accidentally burped into my bong.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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