So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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