Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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