Can Purell be used as lube?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
