i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
