suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You have to summon your inner elephant
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
