We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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