We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
