i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
