too bad you live with your parents still
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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