I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
