it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
