apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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