I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
