At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
