i just google imaged poop.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
