Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
