i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
