why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
