Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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