Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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