he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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