Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
