I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
