Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
