Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
